


Memories

by thenakednymph



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), flangst, klance, love bug, love bug au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:47:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24199213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenakednymph/pseuds/thenakednymph
Summary: Lance winds up bitten by a bug on their last mission and it has some...side effects. Like rewriting six months worth of his memories. Memories where he’s been dating Keith.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 235
Kudos: 497





	1. Chapter 1

Hunk frowns up at Lance in the pod. “Is he gonna be alright?” 

Pidge bites their lip, arms pulled close as Coran and Allura look over the many screens displaying Lance’s vitals. 

“You said he was bitten by a bug?” Shiro asks.

Pidge nods. “Yeah, and he sprained his ankle pretty bad on the way back to the lions. Coran said there was nothing wrong with him from the bite.”

“Coran?”

Coran twirls his mustache for a moment before looking up. “There indeed appears to be no adverse effects from the bite. He is stable and his vitals are much the same as they were previously on his last visit. If anything he’s more stable now than he was then.”

“So there’s nothing to worry about?” 

Coran hums noncommittally. “There is some unusual brain activity,” he says, tugging on his mustache and Shiro’s eyebrows come together. 

“Unusual how?” 

Hunk peers at the screens, his eyes widening before he looks up at Lance. “Well that’s not normal.” He doesn’t look worried but more in awe. “That’s- wow that’s a lot of activity.” 

Allura leans around him to look between the screens and Lance’s still form. “Is this not normal for humans?” she asks and Hunk shakes his head. 

“Well I mean, yeah, sort of.” He scratches at his cheek. “These areas here.” He points to where the screens are pulsing with light. “This is where we store memories and this is the emotion center of our brains. The cerebral cortex, the temporal lobe, cerebrum…even the hippocampus.” Hunk points them out one by one. “His entire limbic system is on fire,” he says faintly. “His amygdala is white hot.” He looks like he’s going to be sick.

“What does that mean?” Keith speaks up from the corner, just as confused as the Alteans.

Pidge is pale. “It’s rewriting his memory.” 

“We don’t know that,” Hunk snaps. 

Pidge’s eyes narrow. “That is literally every memory center of his brain!” They gesture sharply at Lance who is still as stone within the pod. “Long-term, short-term, the emotion center connected to memory.” Pidge ticks them off on their fingers. “I am not speaking in metaphor,” they snap. “It is  _ literally _ rewriting his memory!” Tears fill their eyes and they look at Coran desperately.

“Get him out.”

Coran looks to Allura for guidance, visibly distressed.

“Do it.” 

Coran’s fingers fly over the screens until there’s a flash of red and a warning beep. Coran’s eyebrows come together and he does it again. The results are the same. The screen flashes at him in denial.

“Coran?” Shiro steps forward and Coran tries a third time. 

He looks up and shakes his head. “It has locked him inside. I cannot get him out.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything seems fine

Lance is in the pod for almost a full week, much to the distress of the paladins. Physically, there’s nothing wrong with him. His ankle was fully healed in under a day but his brain activity is still off the charts. Coran had tried at regular intervals to get him out but to no avail. With no timer for them to follow the only thing Team Voltron can do is wait. 

Pidge is the first to lose their patience. Taking a crowbar from Yellow’s bay they march back to the pod room, Hunk chasing after them.

“I am getting him out. We’ve already waited too long.”

“Pidge you don’t know what forcing the pod open will do. It could just make things worse.”

Pidge whirls on him, stopping in the middle of the room to point at Lance. “How could it be any worse? For all we know that’s not even Lance in there any more!” Their lips purse in a determined but angry pout.

“He got bitten while he was with me.”

“That doesn’t make what happened your fault.”

Pidge sniffles. “Well it sure feels like it.”

Hunk’s shoulders sag and he lets out a sad noise. “Pidge…”

Pidge scrubs their sleeve over their cheeks and turns back to face Lance. “I’m getting him out. Even if I have to break it open to do it.” 

As if it can hear the threat the pod lets out a pleasant sounding noise and snaps open. 

Cold air spills into the room and Hunk lets go of Pidge’s arm to dart forward before Lance can fall.

“Get the others,” he says, reaching to stabilize his friend. “They need to know he’s awake.”

~

Everyone is assembled in the cryo room in a matter of minutes during which time Hunk has managed to help Lance sit down, a blanket draped over his shoulders.

“How long was I out?” Lance sounds half asleep, his voice thick with gravel.

“A week.”

Lance balks, his head snapping up. “Because I sprained my ankle?” he asks in disbelief.

“Your ankle healed in under a day,” Hunk explains. “We think it was the bug bite. Do you remember being bitten while you were down with Pidge collecting samples?”

Lance screws his face up. “Of course I remember. Damn thing hurt like a bitch.”

“Language,” Shiro scolds out of habit and Lance rolls his eyes, turning to Pidge and Coran.

“From a bug bite? What was it some kind of coma bug?”

“We don’t know,” Pidge says weakly. Maybe the memory rewrite didn’t change him after all. “Overall you seem...fine…”

“I feel fine.” 

They all look to each other and then to Coran. “He seems fine,” Hunk says, trying to reassure them.

“Aw, thanks buddy. You’re mighty fine yourself.” He throws Hunk a teasing wink and there are universal groans all around.

“Yeah, he’s fine,” Keith scoffs. Lance wiggles his eyebrows meaningfully but doesn’t say it.

“Still, we’d like you to stay in the medical bay for observation,” Coran says, flipping through his tablet, still monitoring Lance’s vitals through the suit they’d managed to get him into. 

Lance groans. “Come on, I feel fine,” he argues. 

“I think it’s a good idea,” Shiro cuts in. 

Lance groans long and loud, dramatically falling to one side, Hunk keeping him from falling to the floor. 

“Lance,” Shiro says and he uses his Dad Voice. 

“Ugh, fine.” Lance straightens up. “Keith, can you get me a change of clothes at least?”

Keith crosses his arms and scowls, lifting one dark eyebrow. “And why would I do that?”

“Because you love me,” Lance grins. 

Keith stares at him flatly. 

“Fine. Hunk will do it for me. Won’t you Hunk?” He bats his eyelashes, using his stint in the pod to his advantage. “I’m cold. And hungry. And I want out of this suit,” he complains.

Hunk smiles at him softly, glad to see his friend is alright. “Sure. I’ll go get you something to wear. And some food.”

“Yes!” Lance spins back to Keith. “Hunk loves me more than you.” 

“Probably,” he deadpans and Lance sticks his tongue out at him. 

~

Lance spends the night in the medical wing with no lasting issues and no one thinks anything of it until the next morning. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out. The team finally finds out what’s wrong with Lance.

Lance wanders into the kitchen with a yawn, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He’s still in the oversized soft sweater Hunk had brought for him last night. The collar is slipped to one side, exposing a slice of his shoulder, the long sleeves pooling around his hands. 

He sees Keith at the counter making coffee and smiles through half-lidded eyes. Pidge and Hunk are going over schematics in between bites of goo at the table. Lance ignores them, shuffling up behind Keith and wrapping him a hug. He sinks into Keith’s warmth with a contented sigh and Keith is too startled to move. 

“Mmm, morning,” Lance murmurs. He nuzzles past the collar of Keith’s jacket to his throat. “Missed you last night.” He kisses the side of Keith’s throat before letting go and reaching around him to steal his coffee like this happens every morning. 

“Thanks.” He sips it lazily before going to the goo dispenser and grabbing something to eat. 

The three watch him with wide, stunned eyes as he sits down. Lance sips on his coffee, finally noticing the eyes on him. 

“What?”

Pidge startles first. “What do you mean what? What the hell was that?” They gesture to where Keith is still standing at the counter, frozen in place. 

Lance rolls his eyes. “Oh come on, that wasn’t anything!”

Pidge stares at him wide eyed. “The hell it wasn’t.”

Lance puts down his spoon like this is an old argument he’s tired of re-hashing. 

“Look, I know you don’t like the PDA but we’ve been dating for months now. I thought you’d gotten over it.”

Pidge blinks in rapid succession and Lance mentally compares it to a blue screen he’d gotten on his computer at the Garrison once when he’d managed to crash it. 

“You’ve been dating.”

Lance scowls. “Yes.”

“Dating Keith?” Pidge clarifies like they still don’t understand.

“Yes!” Lance slaps his spoon to the table in frustration. He thought they’d gotten past this.

There’s a strangled sound from behind Lance and Keith nearly drops his remade coffee. 

Pidge glances between them. 

“Uh, no. You haven’t.”

“Uh yes, we have,” he parrots back. 

“Since when!?”

“Jesus, Pidge. We’ve literally been together for six months! I asked him out on Cellion 5. At the rose garden? I apologized for being an ass and why I lied about not remembering the bonding moment? You wouldn’t let me live it down for weeks!” He glares, storm clouds behind his eyes. “We’ve been over this,” he growls.

Pidge’s shakes their head slowly. “This is insane.” 

Lance huffs, turning to Keith for support. “Keith, tell them. I’m tired of going over it.” His head is beginning to ache and it’s making him irritable. 

Keith stares between Lance and Pidge, his cheeks red. He looks at Hunk for help but he just shakes his head and shrugs, as confused as the rest of them. 

“Keith?” The pain flares and Lance winces, rubbing at his eyes. 

Keith’s head snaps back to Lance. He’s about to tell Lance that no, none of that is true but as the second stick past in silence the look of worry and then downright fear on Lance’s face makes him do something stupid. 

Tightening his grip on his mug he goes to sit next to Lance, taking his hand. He has to swallow down the terror and hopes no one notices how badly his hands are shaking.

“Ignore them. Pidge is just made because we were being gross.” He kisses Lance’s knuckles and that look finally abates. 

“We were not. If I was being gross I would have bent you over the counter and kissed you senseless.” Keith audibly chokes on his coffee, spilling it all over the table. 

“Lance!”

He grins cheekily, picking up his spoon with the other hand Keith isn’t holding. 

Pidge gives Keith a very specific look that manages to convey “what the hell are you doing” and “we are going to have a conversation” at the same time. 

Keith shakes his head minutely. It seems they’ve found what the bug bite was doing to his brain. Whatever is going on with Lance it’s not good and he doesn’t want to upset him further until they can figure it out. If Lance thinks they’re dating, they’re dating. At least until Coran can fix it. 

“And I’m sorry I didn’t come say goodnight,” he murmurs, taking his eyes off Pidge. “I stopped by but you were already asleep.” 

Lance pouts. “You know I can’t sleep without you. I don’t like it when you spend the night in your room. It makes me feel like you’re mad at me

Keith tries very hard to ignore the butterflies that creates and he squeezes Lance’s hand. 

“I know,” he apologizes. “I just didn’t want to wake you. Coming out of the pods is rough.” 

Lance strokes a finger along Keith’s. “You could have stayed,” he says softly, spinning his spoon in his goo. “I thought we’d talked about this.”

Keith has no idea what Lance is talking about. But he has no intention of letting him know that. He strokes his thumb over Lance’s knuckle to get his attention. “Next time,” he promises. “I will.”

~ 

Keith intercepts Pidge in the hallway after breakfast, making sure Lance is out of earshot. 

“What the  _ hell _ was that?” they demand in a low hiss before Keith can get the words out.

“I think we found out what that bug was doing to his memories.”

Pidge gives him an incredulous look. “You think it rewrote his brain to think you’re  _ dating _ ?”

Keith throws up his arms. “I don’t know! But how else would you explain  _ that! _ ” He gestures sharply down the hall where Lance had walked off. “We are very much not dating. Before this I wasn’t even sure we were friends and now that?”

“ That doesn’t make any sense.”

“How else would you explain it? You're the one who said the bug was rewriting Lance’s memories and now that he’s awake he’s exactly the same but has six months worth of fake memories that we’re in a relationship!?” He’s panicking. He knows he’s panicking but he doesn’t know what to do. 

“So this is what? You playing house?”

Keith flushes, crossing his arms over his chest. “Look, I know enough to know that challenging his reality, what he believes to be absolutely real and true, is not a good idea under normal circumstances, let alone the influence of an alien venom. We don’t know what presenting him with a reality different than his own could do. We need more information.”

Pidge’s lips purse. “So what do you suggest? It’s not like we just go ‘oh hey Lance, your memories are fake, can we take another scan of your brain and see what’s up?’” Their tone deepens scathingly.

“Tell Coran what’s going on. Get him to schedule physicals for all of us so we can get Lance checked out without him knowing. That way it won’t raise any red flags. We’ve been in space long enough that it’s probably a good idea just to make sure we’re all healthy but it hasn’t been so long that it’ll be too out of the norm.”

Pidge huffs but admits it’s probably a good idea. Their posture finally sags and they let out a deep breath.

“Why did you lie to him?” they ask quietly.

Keith sighs, scratching the back of his neck. “Because I’m worried it’s a delusion. And directly confronting that or denying it and saying it’s not real could be  _ bad _ . So until we know for sure we play along.” 

Pidge narrows their eyes. “If you hurt my friend,” they growl in warning. “I get it, you’re probably right but-”

“I know, I know, you’ll kill me.” Keith rolls his eyes. 

Pidge grabs a fistful of his shirt, yanking him down. “No,” they snap. “I’ll flay you and leave you out on the salt flats of Terran 4. 

“Lance is a lot of things, none of which deserve having his heart toyed with. Do not hurt him.” They hold Keith’s gaze without blinking. “I’m not kidding. I don’t have a lot of family left. I’m not losing him to a broken heart.”

They release Keith and he stands up slowly. He straightens out his shirt and nods. “Flayed, got it.” 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith starts to realize he may have gotten more than he bargained for.

Lance sticks his head into Keith’s room without knocking, startling him. It’s the end of their light cycle and things have been relatively normal outside of Lance being unusually touchy with Keith. He’s been adapting the best he can but it’s strange. He has no idea how to act or what to say. He just wings it and hopes for the best. 

“Where’s your stuff?” Lance asks, toothbrush in one hand. He’s in his pajamas, ready for bed. His little blue lion slippers peek into Keith’s room, their yellow eyes staring at him. It feels almost accusing.

“My stuff?” Keith rights the book he’d dropped when Lance opened the door. 

“Yeah. Your knife and the books you usually keep on the nightstand are gone.” Something in his eyes turns guarded, hurt even. “And your drawer in the dresser is empty.” Lance bites his lip. “Did you change your mind?” he asks carefully. “About moving in with me?”

Keith blinks, startled. He scrambles for a reasonable excuse. “Laundry day. Sorry, I should have told you.” He sits up, setting his book aside. “And I felt like I was cluttering up your space.” 

He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly and Lance’s posture relaxes as he steps into the room.

“You’re never cluttering my space,” he says softly. His expression is so gentle and warm it makes Keith’s chest squeeze painfully. Keith leans back as Lance looms over him, pressing his fists into the mattress on either side of him. 

“I like it when you’re there.” He smells like toothpaste and boy and Keith’s heart pulls sideways, his breath shallowing. He’d never realized how warm Lance smelled. He’d always been attracted to Lance, had wondered what it would be like to be on the receiving end of his affection instead of his ire. Now he knows and it’s hitting him so hard if he weren’t sitting down already he’d have fallen.

Lance presses a kiss to his cheek and Keith flushes.

“And it’s your space too,” Lance says.

Keith nods slowly, distracted by the shapes and lines of Lance’s face in the light, the press of his lips to Keith’s skin. 

His cheeks are still warm and he swallows thickly. It takes him a moment to find his voice. 

“Okay,” he manages and it comes out rough. “Then I’ll put them back.” 

Lance’s smile widens. “Good.” He presses another kiss to Keith’s cheek, quick and sweet. “Come to bed soon. You know I can’t sleep without you.” 

Keith’s cheeks color but he nods as Lance steps back. “I will.” 

Lance swishes back out the door and Keith flops onto the mattress with a groan. He covers his face with the book wondering what he’s gotten himself into. 

~

Keith gathers his things, swallows his heart and knocks on Lance’s door.

“Seriously?” Lance's tone is flat when he opens the door and for a moment Keith panics, thinking he’s done something wrong, that maybe he wasn’t welcome after all. “You live here. Stop knocking.” Lance steps aside to let him in, waving a hand impatiently and Keith makes a mental note. No knocking. 

He sets his things on the nightstand where Lance had said they belonged and shucks off his jacket. He hangs it next to Lance’s by the door and pulls off his boots before making to crawl into bed. 

“What are you doing?” Lance demands and Keith freezes, one foot in the air. 

“Um.” He glances between Lance and the bed trying not to panic. “Going to bed?”

Lance puts his hands on his hips, Keith’s eyes tracking the movement. Jesus has his waist always been that narrow? 

“Not in those jeans you’re not. You are not sleeping in jeans, you heathen.”

Keith makes an affronted noise. “But they’re comfortable,” he argues. “And I can be ready-“

“Nope.” Lance makes a giant X with his arms. “Not in my bed.”

“Thought it was our bed,” Keith says, knowing he sounds petty but he can’t help it.

Lance just scowls. “Jeans. Off. Now.” He will not be moved.

Keith rolls his eyes, swallows his anxiety, and unbuckles his pants. He kicks them off, looking at Lance sulkily, trying not to be self-conscious. He crosses his arms over his chest anyway, trying to hide. 

“Happy now?” 

Lance tips his head to the side, scanning Keith from head to toe very deliberately as he stands in his shirt and boxers. 

“Mm, very,” he teases and Keith blushes. Again. Lance flirting with him is something he will never get used to. Not in this lifetime anyway. 

Keith hurriedly crawls into bed and hides under the blankets, trying to slow his racing heart. 

Lance follows behind him a few minutes later, finishing up his nightly routine. He slips under the covers and turns out the light, scooting over until he can curl along Keith’s back. He fits along the tense line of Keith’s body like he belongs there, like he’s done it a hundred times, one arm wrapped around his chest, their arms tangling. Keith tries not to flinch as Lance’s nose settles in the hair at the nape of his neck, breathing him in. He shivers at the sensation, goosebumps rising along his skin. He’s never been with someone like this. It’s already deeply overwhelming. His skin tingles are the contact. 

In spite of how awkward Keith feels and Keith’s rocky relationship with Lance, at least it’s someone he knows, someone he trusts. If this were happening with anyone else Keith wouldn’t be so accommodating. 

He doesn’t know if it’s better or worse that he has a crush on Lance.

Lance lets out a long sigh, deeply content and drops a kiss to the back of Keith’s neck. A moment later there’s another, closer to Keith’s shoulder, warmer than before and Keith bites back a groan.

He can’t help enjoying the sensation of Lance’s lips on his skin, the heat of him pressed close, not when Lance is as attractive as he is, not when Keith already wants him. Lance presses another kiss to the side of his throat, this one filled with more heat and his hand starts to stroke over Keith’s chest. Keith’s eyes flutter under the sensation of being touched, of it being with someone he cares about. He lifts his chin, following his instincts without thinking about it.

Lance noses along his pulse, hand skimming below Keith’s navel, making him twitch.

“Lance…”

“Hmm?” Keith can feel the vibrations through his throat where Lance has pressed his lips. 

Keith reaches up, blindly feeling for Lance’s cheek. “Not tonight,” he says softly. He only hopes it’s not too out of character, that Lance won’t accuse him of something that isn’t true, that he won’t push.

Lance goes quiet for a minute and Keith squeezes his eyes shut, waiting for the worst. A moment later Lance drops a chaste kiss to Keith’s cheek. 

“Okay.” He snuggles back down trying to get comfortable and Keith twists to look at him in surprise. That is not what he was expecting.

“You’re not mad?” 

Lance frowns, leaning back to look at him in surprised confusion. “Why would I be mad?”

Keith opens his mouth, closes it, gapes like a fish as he stumbles for words. “I- I’ve just-” His brain is short circuited and he fumbles. “-had other boyfriends who-” 

Lance scowls and there it is. The anger Keith had been expecting. The expression makes him flinch. 

“You’re allowed to say no, Keith.” He says it fiercely, protectively, and Keith’s heart skips. He’s not the one Lance is mad at. “For any reason. If you’re not in the mood that’s fine, end of story. All I need is a no.” He brushes a lock of hair out of Keith’s face to better see him. “I’m sorry whoever you were dating before didn’t respect your boundaries. If you’re not into it you’re not into it. I’m not gonna take it personally.” His thumb brushes over Keith’s cheek and Keith’s mortified to feel his eyes burn. 

“All you have to do is talk to me,” Lance says softly. A smile pulls at his lips. “You’re not gonna hurt my feelings.”

Keith presses his lips together, emotion bubbling up inside him until he can feel it in the back of his throat, choking him. 

“Me too,” he manages. He lifts a hand, twisting in Lance’s arms to cup his cheek. 

“You’re amazing. You know that right?” And it’s true. Lance  _ is _ amazing. Keith has never met anyone like him. He wishes they’d been like this for real, before the bug. Lance is an amazing boyfriend. Even if it isn’t real. The thought sours the warmth in his chest. 

Lance smiles, kissing Keith’s palm before he can pull away. “I know.”

“Cocky,” Keith teases, reaching for humor to deflect his growing guilt.

“Earned,” Lance corrects with a flourish. “I worked hard to come to that realization. Some days are better than others. But if I’m very lucky, I know exactly how amazing I am.” He winks at Keith, booping him on the nose and Keith hides a laugh in his pillow. Lance lays down next to him, tucking his hair back again. It’s a sensation Keith thinks he could rapidly grow used to. 

“Anxiety’s a bitch.”

Keith bumps his forehead into Lance’s. “On the days you don’t remember how amazing you are, tell me...so I can remind you.” 

Lance smiles, kissing his forehead. “Deal.” 

They fall asleep wrapped around one another. It’s easier than Keith thought it would be.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is affectionate in the mornings and Keith gets his hair braided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can’t sleep, have some cute.

Keith wakes to find Lance watching him. There’s an unbearably soft expression on his face that Keith can only describe as love. It makes his stomach clench.

Lance reaches out, pushing a lock of hair off Keith’s forehead with a finger. 

“Morning,” he whispers, drawing his hand back into his chest. “How’d you sleep?”

Keith can’t remember. “Fine,” he croaks, voice still gravelled with sleep. 

Concern pinches Lance’s eyes. “You sure? You were kinda restless last night. The way you get when you’re not sleeping well.” 

“Oh.” Keith blinks in surprise, wondering how that had come into Lance’s delusions. As far as he knows none of the others are aware of his nightmares. “I don’t remember.” 

Lance smiles sadly. “You settled down after a bit.”

“Must not have been that bad then.” He never remembers his nightmares. And if he does it’s just bits and pieces, an intangible feeling of fear and anxiety.

Lance hums but doesn’t respond. 

“Have you been awake long?” Keith asks to fill the silence. Lance is already dressed, his hair still shower damp but he’s lying in bed beside Keith like he’d never left. 

“Nah. I didn’t wake you did I?”

Keith shakes his head, tangling his already insane morning hair across the pillow. “No.” 

“Good.” Lance leans in and kisses Keith in spite of his morning breath. His lips are soft, impossibly so and Keith lets out an almost pained sigh. He’s wanted Lance to kiss him for months, just never like this. He’s never been kissed before and freezes, looking struck dumb when Lance finally pulls away. 

“What?” he laughs. “You look like you did when I kissed you for the first time.”

Keith clears his throat, scrambling for his voice, trying to get it out past his heart where it’s lodged itself. “Feels like the first time,” he manages and Lance snorts. 

“You’re such a nerd,” he teases, dropping a quick kiss to Keith’s nose before booping it with a knuckle. “I thought I was supposed to be the romantic.” Keith flushes.

“Come on, get dressed and we can go get breakfast.” He slaps Keith affectionately on the ass and rolls out of bed leaving Keith flushed and flustered. He swallows thickly and stands. He can still feel where Lance had smacked him, the spot tingling even though it wasn’t that hard. 

“Oh, I brought you a change of clothes too,” Lance says, spinning around. “Was that okay?”

Keith remembers his excuse that laundry day was the reason his drawer was empty. 

“Oh, uh, yeah, that’s fine.”

Lance’s look of worry vanishes with a smile. “Good. They’re back in the top drawer for you. Go shower, I’ll wait.” He smacks Keith lightly on the ass again, the action almost fond. It startles Keith before Lance goes to sit at the vanity.

Keith quickly grabs his clothes and hides in the bathroom, taking his time to shower and change. When he finally emerges again, water dripping from his hair, Lance is still sitting at the vanity, waiting for him. He rolls his eyes when he sees Keith’s wet hair. 

“Come here,” he drawls, standing from the chair and motioning to it. Keith obeys, sinking onto the plush little stool. 

Lance grabs a towel, gently working the excess water from Keith’s hair before picking up a comb. He starts to work it through the ends, frowning when he encounters tangles. 

“How many times have I told you to use conditioner?” he scolds but it doesn’t have any bite behind it. 

“Uh...a hundred?” Keith guesses. 

“And yet you still forget.” He clucks his tongue in disapproval. 

“Sorry.”

Lance pouts, carefully untangling Keith’s hair. “I just don’t want to hurt you.” 

Keith smiles, watching the intense look of focus on Lance’s face. 

“It’s okay. I’m hard headed.”

Lance laughs and the sound makes Keith’s stomach flip. 

“That you are.” He ruffles Keith’s hair before setting back to work. 

As Lance combs his hair, Keith’s eyes slowly drift shut, revelling in the sensation. No one has ever brushed his hair for him before. It’s...nice. 

Lance’s voice finally snaps him out of his reverie. 

“Hey, can I braid it today?”

“Uh…” Keith isn’t sure how to respond. He’s never had his hair braided, doesn’t know how often he lets Lance do it in the false memories. 

“Sure?”

Lance smiles brightly, lifting a hair tie from the vanity. Keith wonders if he’s why Lance put it there and how long it existed before now. 

“Awesome.” He carefully sections out and braids Keith’s hair, pulling it back out of his face except for a few wild pieces that refuse to be tamed. The rest he smooths into a firm, sturdy plait, the end brushing just past Keith’s collar. 

“Getting long,” Lance observes, tugging on the end of it. 

“Do you like it long?” Keith finds his eyes in the mirror, hating himself for asking, for wanting to know. 

Lance bends down, looping his arms around Keith’s shoulders. He smiles at Keith in the mirror. 

“I like  _ you. _ ” He drops a kiss to Keith’s cheek so soft and full of affection it makes his lashes flutter. 

Keith’s hand lifts of its own accord, brushing over Lance’s wrist. 

“I thought you hated my hair,” he says softly. 

Lance snorts. “Nah, I was just mad it’s so thick and luscious and you take such bad care of it.” He runs his fingers through some of the loose strands. “You have beautiful hair,” he says fondly. “You always did. And I was only ever just talking shit.” He tugs on the lock playfully. It was something easy to lash out at, even if it wasn’t true.”

“Oh.”

“Now come on, I’m hungry. And you owe me morning coffee.” 

Keith laughs, letting Lance take his hand and lead him to the kitchen.


	6. Chapter 6

It becomes their new normal for the rest of the week. Keith does his best to try to anticipate Lance’s affection but it still manages to catch him off guard. He covers as best he can every time something manages to really surprise him. Like now. 

Keith is in the main room on one of the couches, reading from his tablet. It’s one of those quiet days where he gets to relax in the common room away from the others.

The door shows open and Keith doesn’t have to look up to know it’s Lance. 

True enough, Lance comes around and drops onto the couch, half on top of Keith. He nearly dislodges the tablet from Keith’s hands when he throws his legs over Keith’s lap, pressing his face to the crook of Keith’s neck. 

Startled, Keith just sits there, both arms thrown out, staring at Lance all but in his lap.

“Lance?”

Lance doesn’t respond, just curls his arms in front of him and sits there. Keith slowly lowers his arms, one wrapping around Lance’s waist. 

“Okay,” he murmurs, thumb stroking over Lance’s side where it’s settled. He holds him loosely, the hand with the tablet settling on Lance’s knee. He goes back to reading, Lance slowly relaxing where he rests against Keith. He lets out a long sigh, adjusting his head on Keith’s shoulder as the tension slowly bleeds out of him. 

Keith doesn’t know what’s wrong but knows enough not to push. Lance has never been this vulnerable with him before. He’s not about to chase him off by saying the wrong thing. 

He reads in silence for several minutes. When he comes to the end of a page he presses a button to turn to the next.

“I wasn’t done yet,” Lance murmurs.

“Oh.” Keith flips the page back and waits until Lance taps a finger against his chest to continue. 

They read a couple of chapters together in companionable silence, Keith’s thumb eventually slipping through one of Lance’s belt loops to keep it from falling. His fingers trace idle little patterns into Lance’s skin where his shirt has ridden up without realizing he’s doing it.

“ What’s this about?” Lance asks softly, adjusting his head on Keith’s shoulder to better see.

“Dennis is the main character,” Keith explains. “He and his marauders are forced to team up with a group of aliens who’ve invaded the planet through a portal. They’re currently fighting a war against each other but have to become tenuous allies to survive against a dark army that poses a much bigger threat. It’s set in a kind of medieval time period. But it’s also sci-fi?”

Lance half sits up to look at him, a confused furrow between his brows. “It’s a medieval sci-fi fantasy?”

Keith nods. “Yeah. Conceptually it’s a little weird, but it does work. I can send it to you if you’d like.” 

Lance leans back down against him. “Yeah, I’d like that.” 

Keith nods, settling his arm back around Lance. “You okay?” he asks as Lance tucks himself against Keith’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, just sad.” 

Keith rubs a hand over Lance’s arm. “Do you know why?”

Lance shakes his head. “No, just woke up like that. One of those days,” he shrugs. He sighs again, frustrated to not have a reason for how he’s feeling. 

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It happens.” Lance presses his face against Keith’s throat, breathing him in. “It sucks but it happens. You’re helping.” The line of his mouth warps into a pout. “Think I’ve got a migraine too. It’s a low grade but adamant.” He frowns, eyebrows coming together but doesn’t open his eyes. “Fucking sucks.” 

Keith smiles and hugs Lance closer. “Well I’m glad I can help. You want to read another chapter?”

There’s a pause where Keith thinks Lance will say no, where he’d rather fall asleep right where he is. Not that Keirh would mind. 

“Will you read it to me?”

Keith flushes but nods. He’s never read aloud to someone before but if it will help. “Sure.”


	7. Chapter 7

Keith is growing used to the routine. The days he wakes before Lance he preps two cups of coffee at the counter. Lance usually arrives just as he finishes and Keith lifts his cheek in invitation for a morning kiss without bothering to turn around. 

Like clockwork Lance drops it there, going to grab them both breakfast as Keith brings their coffee to the table. 

Pidge throws him the dirtiest look as Keith sits down. Even Hunk looks uncomfortable. 

Guilt gnaws at the inside of Keith’s stomach, threatening to eat him alive and he loses his appetite. He’s taking advantage of this, of Lance. He enjoys being the center of Lance’s universe, of his attention. Enjoys being looked at so fondly and full of love. He doesn’t want to lose that, but it can’t last forever. Eventually the false memories will fade and Lance will come back. He won’t love Keith anymore. May even hate him for everything he’s done. 

Keith ducks his head, his stomach souring as Lance puts down a bowl of goo in front of him. 

Lance sways unsteadily a moment later. Light fractures across every surface, blinding him. He puts a hand to his head as what feels like an axe hits him across the back of the head. 

He doesn’t feel his knees give way, only the moment Keith catches him before he can hit the table. 

He groans, trying to shake away the bright spots in his vision.

“‘m fine,” he mumbles but Keith is frowning at him. 

“Are you sure?” 

The pain isn’t abating. “Just a migraine.” He winces. The others are looking at him in concern. 

Hunk stands. “Yeah, but they’re not usually this bad.” He touches Lance’s arm where he’s still leaning into Keith. 

“How long have you been having them?” He peers into Lance’s eyes. 

“Three days,” Keith answers for him. 

Lance bites his lip, his silence drawing Keith’s attention. “Has it been longer?”

“A week,” he says softly. 

Keith looks affronted. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s not a big deal,” Lance argues but it’s weak. His words are beginning to slur. “I get them all the time.”

Hunk shakes his head, worry creasing his features. “Not like this.” 

“I’ll go dim the lights,” Pidge offers, starting in the kitchen. 

“I’ll get Coran.” Hunk gives Lance’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. 

Lance tries to wave off their concern but when Keith tries to lead him to the door his knees give out. He nearly bludgeons himself on the corner of the table before Keith manages to catch them both. 

He hauls Lance up in his arms, Lance wincing and hiding his face against Keith’s chest. 

“I can walk,” he mumbles, cheeks pink. 

“I know,” Keith says softly. “But I don’t want you to bludgeon your head again.” He kisses the top of Lance’s head. “Let’s go see if Coran’s got something that will help.” 

~

Coran gives him some medication to help, quietly pulling the others aside to confirm Keith’s fears. The delusion is wearing off. Lance’s memories are beginning to come back. 

He’s never been so terrified. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaah the soft before the angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I’m not getting emails from Ao3 for some reason so if I’ve missed your comments I’m so sorry. :(

They’re called away to a small skirmish later that day. Nothing too intense. It all goes smoothly, what little combat they engage in over with rapidly. 

Lance finds Keith in the locker room afterwards. He’s washing shampoo from his hair, humming idly to himself. 

Lance smiles fondly, quietly stripping out of his clothes and walking in behind him. 

Keith startles as Lance bumps his shoulder, stepping into the warm spray. 

“What are you doing?” Keith recoils, arm’s clutched to his chest. 

Lance grins and scrubs a hand through his hair, disheveling it as water streams down his face. 

“Saving water.” He winks and in spite of his embarrassment Keith rolls his eyes.

Lance begins washing his hair, giving Keith a chance to recover and pretend this is normal. 

“Condition,” Lance says, tipping his face up into the hot water. 

“What?”

Lance gives him a knowing look before reaching for the bottle. 

“You need to condition your hair remember?”

“Oh.” Right. He’d forgotten. 

Keith finally takes the bottle, squeezing too much out into his hand. 

Lance makes a noise and Keith looks up. He’s biting back a smile. 

“Here, let me.” Lance takes the bottle back, scooping the conditioner out of Keith’s palm. “You don’t need that much. And knowing you you’d just slap it right on top.” He works the conditioner through Keith’s hair. 

“What else am I supposed to do with it?” 

Lance snorts. “Focus on the ends where there’s the most damage. Avoid your roots, it’ll just make you oily.” He sighs in a long-suffering manner. “I should have known you’d forget,” he bemoans. “You never listen to me.”

Keith’s head snaps around, disturbing the relaxed trance he’s fallen into under Lance’s fingers. 

“Yes I do.” 

His reaction startles Lance who pulls his hands back to keep from pulling Keith’s hair. 

“Oh name one time,” he teases and Keith pouts, searching for a moment that fits and was reasonably recent. 

“I know you didn’t want to celebrate your birthday last month because your twin sister Rachel wasn’t here.” He flushes as he says it and Lance’s hands fall, his expression going slack with surprise. 

“I never told you that,” he says softly. “How did you-?”

“I overheard you talking to Hunk,” Keith admits, looking away, ashamed to have been caught eavesdropping. Even if it was only second-hand. 

Lance stares at him for a long moment, his gaze searching before he snorts. “Well either way, it doesn’t count,” he huffs, sticking his nose in the air. 

Keith scoffs. “Says the hypocrite who forgot our bonding moment.” He crosses his arms over his chest and Lance’s expression sobers. He looks caught between hurt and apologetic and that wasn’t what Keith intended by bringing it up.

“We talked about that,” he says softly, arms lowering to his side. “I told you why I lied.”

Keith’s heart flutters. He’d heard Lance say the same thing at the table but to hear him admit it so bluntly gives him butterflies. 

“Tell me again,” Keith says and Lance’s eyes soften. He takes Keith’s hand, the conditioner making it slick. Keith’s heart pounds. 

Some part of him had always wondered; if Lance actually  _ had  _ forgotten. Or if he’d simply been lying. But it wasn’t like there was anyone else to carry him to the pods.

His head had lolled against Keith’s shoulder, mumbling softly. He’d said Keith was pretty. 

It had sent his heart racing for hours after. 

“I’d never been attracted to a boy before,” Lance whispers, stepping close. “And the way you looked at me…” He takes a deep breath, his slick thumb gliding over Keith’s knuckles. “I didn’t know what to do with that or how to react. So I just- pretended it didn’t happen.” He stares at the wall over Keith’s shoulder for a moment. “Because if it never happened, I never had to admit to myself what you looked like.” 

Lance’s thumb runs over Keith’s knuckles again. His eyes are so honest and sincere it makes Keith’s knees weak. 

“What did I look like,” Keith breathes, needing to know, needing to hear him say it again. Lance reaches up, tucking Keith’s hair back. 

“Beautiful,” he whispers, the word almost lost to the sound of the running water. “That was the first time I saw you smile. 

“Knocked the wind out of me.” His hand falls and he studies Keith’s features like he’s a work of art. Keith’s mouth goes dry. 

“You still do.” 

Before Keith’s conscience gets the better of him he surges upward, dragging Lance into a kiss. He didn’t know. He’d honestly thought Lance had forgotten. Now…

Lance is startled but sinks into the kiss immediately, wrapping Keith in his arms and bringing them together. 

Keith whines as bare skin meets his, making him gasp. 

“I love you.” 

Lance smiles, wiping tangled hair and water out of Keith’s face. 

“I love you too.” His eyebrows come together and he cups Keith’s cheek. “Are you okay?” He traces his fingers over Keith’s features, thumb brushing over one dark eyebrow. 

“You’ve been kinda jumpy lately.” 

Keith nods, tipping his head into Lance’s hand, burning the feeling of it into his mind. 

“Yeah, just- a lot on my mind.” 

Lance sighs dramatically, head craned back. “God, I know. I feel like everything has been go, go, go. I haven’t been able to take you on a date in weeks,” he bemoans. 

Keith rinses the conditioner from his hair as Lance waves at him to do so. 

“A date?” 

Lance finishes washing up. “Yeah. I’m sorry. There just hasn’t been any time. I know we try to have one twice a month, I just haven’t been able to plan anything with how-”

“Hey.” Keith catches his arm and Lance pauses, his face doing that attentive and curious pout. “Maybe you can let me plan it for once?”

Lance looks at him, startled. “Yeah?”

Keith smiles, realizing he wants to. “Yeah, I’d love to take you on a date.” It’s true. 

Lance’s smile widens. “Cool.” He kisses Keith on the cheek. “Now hurry up.” He gives him an affectionate tap on the ass and Keith realizes it’s a habit. “I still have to brush your hair.” 


	9. Chapter 9

Keith’s date involves spiriting away as many blankets and pillows as he can find. He makes sure to do it when Pidge isn’t there to see and silently judge him. He knows this is probably a bad idea. They’re not even dating. But if it will make Lance happy...Keith wants that. Is it really so bad to make him happy for the duration of the bug bite? Keith doesn’t know. 

So he buries the guilt and keeps collecting what he needs. 

It takes nearly a week before it’s done, Keith making sure everything is perfect. Lance’s focus slips a little more every day, the pain in his head worsening in spite of the Altean painkillers. Keith knows he’s running out of time. 

They’re coming up on the end of it. He can feel it. The venom is going to start wearing off, the memories are going to fade and with them the perfect pocket Lance has pulled him into. 

Keith fights back tears with a deep breath, forcing the thought away. He wants to hold on to this moment, wants it to be special. Wants to share a part of himself Lance can’t possibly know about. Wants it to be real. 

Finally it’s ready. Keith double checks the settings, makes sure his surprise is safely hidden, and waits.

~

After dinner, the paladins all throwing glances at Keith he feels more than sees, he takes Lance’s hand, leading him away. The others have grown used to the unusual displays of affection between them but it doesn’t mean it makes any of them comfortable. 

Keith leads Lance down the hall away from the dining room before pulling a strip of cloth free. 

Lance looks at it curiously before a wicked smirk curls his mouth. “That for my eyes or my hands?”

Keith flushes, his heart giving a hard pound. “Your  _ eyes _ . I don’t want you to know where we’re going.”

Lance arches one perfectly curved eyebrow. 

“It’ll ruin the surprise.”

Lance watches him suspiciously for a moment before his expression smooths over. He shrugs and closes his eyes. 

Keith steps behind him, carefully tying the blindfold over Lance’s eyes. He makes sure to keep the knot from catching in Lance’s hair, smoothing it away before he’s satisfied. 

He takes Lance’s hand. “Trust me.”

The softest smile spreads across Lance’s mouth and Keith’s heart gives a painful kick in his chest.

  
“I do.”

Keith wants to kiss the plush pink swell of his lips but settles for his knuckles instead. He can’t keep kissing Lance. Pidge was right. He can’t consent right now. 

Something sick twists in Keith’s gut as he realizes just how bad that is. How sick. He wants to cry. 

He takes a deep breath, swallows thickly and squeezes Lance’s hand. He leads him down the hall and Lance follows with absolute trust.

Keith leads them deep into the heart of the ship, someplace he isn’t sure anyone else knows about. They take the lift and Lance makes a joke about getting stuck again. 

“ Do not jinx it,” Keith warns. “This is not where I want to spend my date with you.”

Lance laughs and holds his tongue. 

When they reach the door Keith stops, letting his hand fall away from Lance’s.

“Are we here?”

Keith nods. “Yeah, we’re here.” He can feel his pulse pounding, heart in his throat. Maybe this was stupid, maybe Lance will hate it. Keith bites his lip and looks at the door. What if it isn’t enough? Lance is a big gesture kind of guy and this…

“ Hey.” Lance’s knuckles bump against Keith’s thigh. He’s still wearing the blindfold. “I can hear you thinking,” he says gently. 

Keith worries at his lip, pulling on his fingers. 

“Keith.” His head turns to look at Lance who’s staring in his direction. “I’m gonna love it.”

“Promise?” Keith winces as he says it. It feels stupid to ask, makes him feel like a child but he’s never done this before. He’s terrified of being laughed at, of not being enough. He didn’t expect planning a date to be this nerve-wracking. 

Lance laughs and Keith’s heart sinks. His fingers trail up Keith’s thigh, seeking out his hands. He steps closer, other hand lifting to find Keith’s cheek. He sighs into the embrace, leaning into Lance’s hand.

“Of course I promise,” Lance whispers, thumb stroking over the swell of his cheek. 

“Whatever it is you want to show me came from  _ you _ . That’s what makes it special.” Another smile twists at his mouth. “You could probably give me a mud pie and I’d still love it.” 

Keith’s eyes burn and he swipes away a tear before Lance can find it. 

“It’s not a mud pie,” he promises and Lance’s smile widens, showing his teeth.

“ I love you,” he whispers, leaning in to kiss him and Keith lets him. Because he’s weak and stupid and in love. 

When Lance pulls away he squeezes Keith’s hand. “Now come on, the suspense is killing me.”

Keith laughs. “Alright, alright.” He reaches up, slipping the blindfold off and Lance winces into the light. Keith smooths out his ruffled hair as Lance looks around.

“ Where are we?”

“It’s a surprise remember?” He taps Lance lightly on the nose before taking his hand and touching the panel to open the door. He can tell Lance is confused but he waits as Keith leads him a few steps inside the pitch black room, releasing his hand and stepping up to the wall while he can still see it. 

The door hisses closed and Lance flinches as he’s surrounded by absolute darkness. That’s when Keith hits the button. 

The entire room opens up around them, the filters pre-set to capture the bursts of radiation and light they can’t see outside the ship with their eyes. 

Stars flood the room, threads and waves of color washing around them like the aurora borealis back home and Lance gasps. He can still feel the floor beneath his feet but in every direction space stretches out endlessly around him.

As a child he used to swim in the ocean in the middle of the night where the sea met the sky. The stars would reflect across the surface until Lance felt he was swimming amongst them instead. He has the same feeling now, heart skipping in his chest. 

Keith steps up beside him, one hand settling on his lower back. “Come on,” he whispers.

He leads Lance towards a patch of darkness in the space. As they near it a soft light begins to glow from inside it. They’re a few paces away when Lance realizes it’s essentially a blanket fort. Pillows and blankets are layered on top of one another beneath a layer of mismatched sheets that have been strung up over them. The small nest is cradles in three sides by a number of crates, making the space small and intimate. 

“You made this?”

It’s hard to tell in the dark but Lance thinks Keith blushes.

“Yeah,” he says sheepishly. “I didn’t expect to put my survival skills to use out here, let along for a date but-” He shrugs, that same kind of shy expression on his face. 

“I know it’s not much for a date but I just- wanted to spend time with you.” 

Lance turns to him, his face almost stricken. “Keith…” He looks around the space in awe before looking back at Keith. “I love it.” There are tears in his eyes. “It’s perfect.” He ducks his head. “Damn it, you’re gonna make me cry.” 

“You’re such a sap,” Keith teases, but his eyes are wet too. 

“Shut up.” Lance looks up with a smile, leaning in to kiss Keith, warm and slow. Keith melts under it, under the love he can feel in it. 

“I love you,” whispers, the words catching on Lance’s lips. 

“I love you too.” He tugs on Keith’s hand, pulling him down into the cushion of blankets and pillows. 

The light from inside is coming from some kind of fairy lights, little globes floating like balloons, caught against the sheet and spinning slowly. 

“If you want to look at the stars we can shut them off,” Keith suggests. 

Lance reaches up and touches one gently, the light shifting from warm gold to soft rose. 

“Nah.” He withdraws his hand looking back at Keith. “You’re beautiful by space globe light.”

Keith snorts but has to agree. The soft light catches over Lance’s skin like a blush, the gold warming his skin and catching in his hair. 

“ I didn’t uh, really plan anything beyond this,” Keith admits. “But I thought maybe we could just talk. Just, be together. We haven’t had a whole lot of time to ourselves.” 

“Can we sleep here?”

Keith shrugs. “I don’t see why not.” 

“ Good.” Lance kicks off his shoes and curls up around Keith, making himself comfortable. “Cause I feel like cuddling for a few hours at the very least.” 

Keith laughs. “Just a few hours?” he teases.

“ Hey, I said at the very least. I would be more than happy to stay here tangled up with you for the rest of my life.” 

Keith feels cold at the admission and hides his face against Lance’s chest. 

“Yeah,” he whispers. “Me too.” 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second half of date night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You were all so cute in the last chapter with your panic over the heartbreak. Have some more. 😈

There’s nothing Keith wants more than to lay down with Lance and just enjoy the warmth of him. But his heart won’t stop racing. The adrenaline and anxiety leave him twitchy, unable to get comfortable. 

“Are you alright?”

Keith nods and sits up. “Yeah, I just have another surprise for you.”

Lance sits up with him and Keith reaches for the guitar he’d hidden earlier. 

Lance’s eyebrows lift in surprise. “You can play?”

“Not well,” Keith warns. “It’s been awhile since I really sat down and played but…” He bites his lip and busies himself with tuning the guitar even though he’d already done it. 

Once he’s satisfied he strums the guitar and begins to sing. 

“ _ When I heard that sound, when the walls came down, I was thinking about you, about you _ .” He can’t look Lance in the eye. If he does he knows he won’t have the courage to keep going. 

It’s his way of saying what he feels, that for him this isn’t fake, that he’s in love with Lance but Lance isn’t in love with him back. It’s to tell him Lance is important and what they had was almost real. He’s saying goodbye. 

“ _ When my skin grows old, when my breath runs cold, I'll be thinking about you, about you…” _

He’s never getting over Lance. He doesn’t know how. 

“ _ Seconds from my heart, a bullet from the dark...helpless, I surrender…” _

His throat threatens to close around the words and his voice breaks but he keeps going.

“ _ Shackled by your love, Holding me like this With poison on your lips Only when it's over The silence hits so hard 'cause it was almost love, it was almost love It was almost love, it was almost love.” _

Keith swallows thickly, willing himself not to cry. Lance is everything he didn’t know he wanted, didn’t know he needed. He’s saved his life so many times, saved all of them. Keith will never stop being in awe of Lance.

“ _ When I run out of air to breathe It's your ghost I see. I'll be thinking about you, about you. It was almost love, it was almost- _

_ “We bleed ourselves in vain, How tragic is this game? Turn around, I'm holding on to someone But the love is gone Carrying the load, with wings that feel like stone.” _

He doesn’t know how to be a Paladin without Lance, doesn’t know how to be everything Shiro wants him to be. He’d always been stronger on his own. It was familiar. But now...now he’s grown used to having help, to having Lance. But it isn’t real. And the possibility of everything they could have had is being torn away from him...and it’s all Keith wants.

“ _ Knowing that we nearly fell so far now, It's hard to tell. Yeah we came so close, it was almost love, It was almost love, it was almost love. _

_ “While I reached out for your hand When the walls were caving in, When I see you on the other side We can try all over again… _

_ 'Cause it was almost love, it was almost love, It was almost love, it was almost love…” _

His breath shakes as the song ends, fingers trembling on the strings. The words are a gravelled rasp and he takes several seconds to just breathe.

Lance is staring at him, an expression on his face Keith can’t quite read when he finally looks up.

“What was that about?” Lance asks softly. 

Keith carefully settles the guitar back in its case to avoid looking at Lance. If he does he knows Lance will see the heartbreak in his eyes. 

“I’m so in love with you.” He chokes on the words and Lance touches his cheek. 

“So why do I feel like you’re breaking up with me?”

Keith finally lifts his head and Lance sees the tears caught in his lashes. 

“What did I do?” 

Keith hates that Lance thinks this is his fault. The guilt crushes his heart. 

“Nothing.” He takes Lance’s hand. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“So what’s  _ wrong? _ ” He’s practical begging. “Look, I know I said you have the right so say no and you  _ do _ .” He squeezes Keith’s hand. “But we haven’t had sex in weeks.” 

Keith’s face burns, his stomach flipping. 

Lance tilts his head curiously, staring at him. “Do you not- want me anymore?” 

Keith’s heart shatters. “No, oh baby no.” He cradles Lance’s cheek with his free hand. “Of course I do.” 

Lance swallows thickly. “Then I don’t know what’s wrong. Because you withdraw every time I touch you now. But you always respond like you want me. And then you push me away.” His eyes are searching. “And I’m really confused right now and scared.”

Keith hangs his head as his throat closes, tears spilling down his cheeks. This was wrong. This was so, so wrong. And now he’s hurt them both. 

“Lance…” He takes a wet breath, blinking rapidly. “How many tattoos do I have?”

Lance gives him a funny look. “Why is that-“

“Just answer the question,” Keith says softly. “Please.”

“Just the one. Here.” He touches the back of his left shoulder. 

“And it means?” 

Here Lance flounders. “I- you never told me.”

“But doesn’t that sound like something I would have?”

“So it was deeply personal. You don’t have to tell me everything.”

“But I  _ want  _ to. Don’t you understand? If we were dating this is something I’d want to share with you.” 

“What do you mean if?” Lance begins to withdraw.

“And I have two tattoos,” he corrects, “not one.”

“No you don’t.” 

Keith turns his head, pulling his hair back to reveal the little black, six pointed star tucked behind his ear. 

Lance stares at it in surprise. “When did you get that?” He reaches out to touch it. 

“When I was sixteen. The same time I got my father’s station number tattooed on my shoulder.” He touches the star. “For my mother.” He drops his hand and turns to face Lance. 

“Can I swim?” he asks.

“Of course you can. I taught you,” Lance says proudly. His chest puffs out and he puts his hands on his hips.

Keith’s heart sinks and he shakes his head. “No. You didn’t.”

Lance’s head swims. Memories flash through his mind in direct conflict with one another, memories of Keith struggling when he’d been knocked into the water during a mission. Memories of Lance teaching him to swim. 

“How many bones have I broken?” Keith's voice snaps Lance out of it.

“Three,” Lance says confidently. “Your wrist, your nose, and your arm.”

Keith shakes his head again, tears streaming down his face. 

“Seventeen.” His voice trembles. “Climbing accident, out in the desert when I was looking for Blue.”

Lance pulls his hand away. He’s dizzy and his head is throbbing. “What are you talking about?”

“Lance we’re not dating.” And there it is. Finally out in the open. “Do you remember why you went into the pods?” He desperately wanted to take Lance’s hands in his own. “This thing altered your brain. It planted fake memories in your head. We’re not dating. We never were.” He curls his hands into fists, nails biting at his palms. “You don’t love me.” Keith chokes. It feels like someone’s punched him straight in the chest, splitting his sternum open. 

“You never did.” He wipes at his face and forces himself to look up. “Everything your feeling?” Keith shakes his head. “It isn’t real. It’s a synthetic effect of the venom. And now it’s starting to wear off and your memories are coming back. You’re starting to remember.”

Lance backs away from him. “So then- What was all of this?” He features sharply at the intimate space all around them Keith had so lovingly built.

Keith feels so small under that gaze, at the accusation in Lance’s eyes. 

“I was- trying to say goodbye.”

“By taking me on a date?” Lance snaps. His head is throbbing. He can’t think straight. “What the hell was that supposed to accomplish?”

Keith is losing his ability to speak. It always happens when he cries. His throat closes up so tightly he can barely breathe. 

“I wanted you to be happy.”

Lance shoves his way to his feet. “Yeah well I’m not. Because apparently my boyfriend is breaking up with me. Or not boyfriend or whatever!” He throws his hands up and storms out of the room, cheeks flushed with anger. “If you wanted to break up with me there are easier ways to do it.” He hurls the words over his shoulder before stepping into the lift. The doors snap shut behind him leaving Keith to cry alone in the dark with his heartache. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get worse.

To say things are strained after that is an understatement. Keith leaves the room anytime Lance walks in. Dinner is strained with silence, Lance taking a different seat that doesn’t put him right next to Keith. 

Keith sits in his own guilt, lips sealed shut. 

Practice is even worse. If Lance isn’t snapping at Keith at every turn he’s ignoring him. 

Keith’s looks are lingering, dark circles beneath his eyes betraying how little he’s sleeping. 

He gets his ass regularly handed to him in practice and the others aren’t sure if it’s on purpose or if he’s just lost the will the put his heart into it. 

Allura worries for them and the fate of Voltron. Shiro tries to reassure her that all they need is time but Keith isn’t so sure. He doesn’t know that Lance will ever be able to forgive him and it leaves him heartsick and riddled with guilt. 

If he could dig out his feelings for Lance and bury them he would. But he can’t. So he punishes himself for it instead. 

~

They don’t speak for days. Even as Lance’s migraines worsen, the memories breaking apart and reforming side by side. It’s not until a chance meeting in the dark has Lance confessing his own demons. 

Keith lingers awkwardly in the doorway, shifting his weight from foot to foot. 

“Are you...okay?” He winces. It sounds lame even as he says it. But he doesn’t know how else to ask. 

“No,” Lance chokes. 

“I feel like I’m losing my mind,” Lance chokes, pulling at his hair. “I have two sets of memories in my head and they both feel  _ real. _ Like overlapping pieces of stained glass, all broken and jagged. None of it makes sense.” He pulls at his hair so hard it hurts. 

“But it’s fading. I can’t still remember the fabricated memories but they’re growing fainter, harder to grasp. And I don’t want them to.” He chokes on the words, desperately holding onto what he knows isn’t real. 

“I know I didn’t ask you out that night in the rose garden but I  _ remember  _ it. I remember kissing you for the first time, and when you took me on a picnic date to the pool.” His hands shake and he can’t bring himself to look at Keith. 

“You’d talked to Allura about changing the chemical balance of the water so it was salt water like from home and projected the stars from the Sol system onto the ceiling the same as they’d look from Earth.” Tears stream down his cheeks. That had been his favorite memory. 

“You said if I couldn’t go home you’d bring home to me.” He stumbles over the words, heart aching. “I remember what it felt like every time you-”

He forces himself to stop talking, covering his burning face with a hand. 

“Every time I what?” Keith whispers, taking a half step closer. He doesn’t know why it’s important but he needs to know. Needs Lance to say it. 

Lance finally drops his hands and looks him straight on. 

“Every time you fucked me within an inch of my life.” He says it so bluntly Keith turns scarlet. “I  _ remember  _ that.” Lance shakes his head slowly. “But it wasn’t real.” He stands on weak knees, horror dawning on him as tears drip from his chin. “You never even wanted me.” 

Before Keith can react Lance walks past him. He turns to follow him, the words forcing their way out. 

“Yes I did,” but the door is already shut. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!

The awkwardness only grows. Lance is put into a pod to help with the pain but even after that the team is barely functional, the tension between Keith and Lance putting a strain on everyone. It has to end. Keith knows he needs to fix it, he just isn’t sure how. 

When an idea finally dawns on him he just hopes Lance doesn’t kill him for it. It’ll either fix everything...or make it ten times worse. 

~

Keith hesitates outside of Lance’s door. “Please don’t let this be a mistake,” he whispers. He doesn’t knock. He never did before this. He just opens the door and barges in. 

Lance startles at the sudden intrusion. He’s in his pajamas, his nightly moisturizer half applied. 

“Keith?”

Keith ignores him, kicking off his boots before pulling off his shirt and shucking out of his pants. 

“What are you doing?”

Keith looks at him funny before crawling into bed in his boxers. 

“Going to bed. What are you doing?” He does his best to make Lance sound like the unreasonable one. Like this is perfectly normal. Because yesterday it was. Even if it wasn’t real. 

Keith holds up the covers and lifts an eyebrow. “You coming to bed or what?” 

Lance stares at him dumbfounded, looking wrong-footed in his own room. “Y-Yeah. In a minute.” 

“Well hurry up.” Keith rolls onto his side with a petulant huff. “You know I can’t sleep without you anymore.” Keith’s heart and his stomach try to switch places as he says it, but it’s true. He’d gotten used to sleeping with Lance. It had been hard trying to go back to being on his own once the bug bite wore off. And Lance had been avoiding him which didn’t help. Everything was awkward. Keith wants it to go back to being the way it was. He’d liked it the way it was. Maybe that was selfish of him but he has to know if that’s still an option. 

Lance finishes applying his face moisturizer and discards his robe but hovers at the edge of the bed.

Keith glares at him over his shoulder. “Would you hurry up? I’m cold over here.” He squirms in the bed for emphasis and Lance gingerly sits down, finally slipping beneath the blanket like he’s afraid Keith will bite him if he gets too close. 

Keith sits up with a huff, scowling at where Lance is hugging the far edge of the mattress, fingers twisting themselves together on top of his chest.

“What?” He sounds small and anxious and all Keith wants is for him to relax. 

Keith grabs his arm. “Would you _come here_?” He yanks Lance onto his side, flopping back down onto the mattress where he was laying. He drags Lance bodily closer until he’s tucked against Keith’s back, trapping his arm against his chest. 

Lance relaxes by increments, finally beginning to settle. He adjusts their positions so they fit together more smoothly, his fingers curling over Keith’s chest the way they’ve been doing for weeks now. His nose finds the nape of Keith’s neck under his hair and he takes a deep breath, the last of the tension bleeding out of him. 

Once Keith is sure Lance won’t pull away from him he relaxes his grip, fingers running over the veins along Lance’s hands. 

“It doesn’t have to change,” he whispers, the dark making him brave. “I don’t _want_ it to change.” He hates how tight his throat is. “I know…” Keith takes a deep breath, staring at the wall. 

“I know the memories you have aren’t real.” Keith covers Lance’s hand with his own, sliding his fingers between his. “But I want them to be.” Lance’s fingers twitch and Keith hopes he isn’t going to pull away. “We can do that,” he rasps. “We can make them real.” 

He feels Lance sigh against the back of his neck and it sends goosebumps down his arms. 

“What do you want from me?” He sounds exhausted, stretched too thin, emotionally drained and in that moment Keith is terrified.

He finally rolls over to face Lance. “I want you to love me,” he whispers, the words thick in his throat. Lance’s eyes are bright in the dark and Keith hopes it’s not with tears. 

“You gave me a taste of that when you were bitten.” He searches Lance’s face, memorizing it, afraid it will be the last time he gets to see it like this. “You gave me a chance to know what it felt like to be loved by you.” He touches Lance’s cheek, his eyes burning. “And I want it back. 

“I want you to look at me the way you did then.” He takes a trembling breath. “And I want it to be real.” 

Lance is shaking, fear making him nauseous as he takes Keith’s hand. He kisses the calloused palm before pressing it to his cheek. He holds it there, eyes squeezed tightly shut as he struggles for a moment.

“It is,” he whispers and he opens his eyes. 

Keith feels like he’s been struck by lightning. The words cut through him like a knife, leaving him breathless. He doesn’t understand why tears fill his eyes but it feels appropriate. 

“Lance…” He’s afraid the venom hasn’t worn off, that Lance is just saying things he doesn’t really feel. 

“Don’t,” Lance whispers, cutting him off like he knows what Keith is thinking. “The venom picked that night in the garden because I _wanted_ to kiss you. 

“It wasn’t random, it wasn’t convenient. It was because I wanted it.” His heart aches and he strokes Keith’s cheek. “I still do,” he admits. “And I wish I had.” He winces at his own cowardice. 

“You were so beautiful that night,” he whispers. “It wasn’t fair.” 

He strokes Keith’s dark hair away from his face. 

“You made a stupid joke about the flowers leaving shit all over my face,” Keith says flatly. 

Lance nods, expression sober. “I know. That’s only because I wanted to reach out and wipe it away. To cradle your cheek in my hand.” He does now. “Feel your skin flush under my fingers the moment before I kissed you. Just like in the fake memories.” He sits up on one elbow, leaning over Keith. 

“They didn’t come out of nowhere, Keith. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that night since it happened and hating myself for it.

“I didn’t know how badly I wanted you until that night.” 

Keith stares at him with wide eyes. “That was six months ago.” 

Lance nods slowly like he’s waiting for the reality to sink in. “I know.” He doesn’t know what his boundaries are anymore so he fits his fingers together to keep from touching again. 

“I’m so in love with you,” Lance admits. It takes him a moment to find his voice again. 

“The memories might have been fake but my feelings for you weren’t.” He chokes on the words. “I lo-” 

Keith closes the space between them, leaning up and kissing Lance, letting Lance press him back down into the pillows. 

Keith drags him closer, hands fisting in Lance’s nightshirt, pulling him half on top of him. When he kisses Lance it’s without guilt, just want and anticipation and desire.

“I want you to actually move in,” Lance murmurs once the kiss breaks, both of them breathing heavily. “I miss your things here. I miss _you_.” He presses his forehead to Keith’s, unwilling to move further away. His hand strokes down Keith’s side. 

“I miss you too.” His eyes are still closed, nose bumping against Lance’s.

Lance sits back and Keith opens his eyes. “So you’ll move in with me?” he asks, expression guarded but searching. 

Keith smiles, running his fingers back through Lance’s hair, safe in the knowledge he can. 

“Yeah, I’ll move in with you.” It comes out breathless. 

They fall asleep wrapped in one another and for the first time Keith knows it's _real._


End file.
